Here at Serenity Glen we pride ourselves on being one of the number one destinations for movie actors playing people who have just had a spinal cord injury. We specialize in poignancy, maudlin sentimentality, and quick endings to movies.
Serenity Glen is a fake low level rehabilitation hospital, created by an alliance of movie producers and nursing home advocates. Bring your actors faking disability to our facility, and support the nursing home industry, now under siege from disability rights extremists. Audience members need never know that long-standing attempts to channel money away from nursing homes and into community-based living have been opposed every step of the way by the nursing home lobby and its bought-and-paid-for politicians. You're wealthy friends who own stocks in nursing homes will be very appreciative!
Some of the specific advantages we offer include:
We offer no counseling, rehabilitation or any preparation for moving back into the community. Indeed, we offer no services at all! Save money on extras! No need to make your movie more "realistic" by researching independent living services or the myriad ways that people of spinal cord injuries thrive in communities throughout the country! Have your actors pretending concern for the fake spinal cord injured person pretend to scour the country for some place that can help the fake spinal cord injured person, then pretend frustration and just show up at Serenity Glen. Audience members will draw the desired fake conclusion that life after spinal cord injury is completely hopeless, that all the money in the world won't make any difference!
We guarantee that there will be no one else in our facility with a spinal cord injury (special option: no other patients at all). Unlike real rehabilitation hospitals for spinal cord injury, where people form a community of effort to reintegrate themselves back into society, we believe in total isolation. Again, save on extras! No need to recruit actual real disabled people who use wheelchairs for any kind of realism. Audience members won't notice!
We have developed a special technique to not protect the skin of people with fake spinal cord injuries. We never turn them from side to side! If you have a lazy director who does not want to move the camera placement, this is a great service we provide. It also saves fake staff time and enables any movies based in our facility to speed quickly to their fake deadly conclusion. This helps change the views of the audience members. Public support for the deaths of real people with spinal cord injury, and for all people with severe disabilities, will increase!
We do not allow any of our fake patients to drive their own wheelchairs. Any kind of technology for quadriplegics paralyzed below the neck is off-limits at Serenity Glen. Our motto is "Independence, who needs it?" (Our old motto, "Tod Macht Frei" for some reason made historically-minded audience members nervous.) That way, the helplessness and poignancy of any actor playing a person with a spinal cord injury is dramatically increased. Actors faking concern for the actor faking a spinal cord injury may mention such technology, but only in passing and in the abstract. Audience members won't even know that sip/puff technology is at least 25 years old! Or that other options exist for independence , including environmental controls (lights, speakerphones, appliances, televisions, stereos, doors, drapes, etc.), computer interfaces (voice input that gets faster every year, controlling a mouse by mouth), and ever increasing levels of access in the outside environment. And don't worry, if your lead actor and director opposes real access for real people with disabilities, and even testifies before the real Congress to that effect, your audience will not make the connection.
Any time one of our fake spinal cord injured patients is transferred into a wheelchair, we will use maximum numbers of fake staff, thereby ensuring that any actors faking concern for the fake spinal cord injured patient can believably fake horror. Audience members won't know that thousands of real tracheostomy users are transferred single-handedly into their wheelchairs every day!
When not in use, our wheelchairs always sit by windows in isolation, and throw long shadows on walls. Indeed, we can even have shadows painted on the walls to insure extra poignancy. You can count on audience members having seen other long shots of wheelchairs isolated by windows, or people sitting alone in wheelchairs by windows. Stir up these memories, use them to your benefit!
We have no security! If at any time, another actor playing a concerned friend or relative of the actor playing the spinal cord injured person wants to walk into our unit and pretend to kill that actor, this is easily accomplished. Audience members won't notice!
Our fake heart and blood pressure monitors don't have alarms. No need to have actors playing staff members barging in on the pretend murder scene. Audience members won't notice!
Our respirator does not have an alarm either. Nothing happens when you disconnect our special fake tracheostomy tube, again facilitating fake murder, fake assisted suicide, or other matters. Audience members won't notice!
Our fake respirator does not count as a form of medical intervention. Although real people with tracheostomies have the long-established right to have the tube disconnected while sedated, so that they can die anytime they want to, our facility does not offer this service. Because most audience members don't know this, this makes any fake murder or assisted suicide in our facilities more poignant and sympathetic.
Serenity Glen: meeting the film industry's need
for fake disability settings since 2004.
NOT DEAD YET * 7521 Madison St * Forest Park, IL 60130
Voice/TTY: 708-209-1500 * Fax: 708-209-1735 * TTY: 708-209-1826